Stephen Tompkins @stphntmpkns
Charleston— During a conversation with friends at lunch Wednesday afternoon local 31-year-old man Ralph Mauer divulged that he hadn’t read a book since reading The Outsiders for Mrs. Peterson’s 7th grade English class in 1998— noting that he “doesn’t really give a fuck.”
"I don’t read, but that book was pretty cool I guess. I liked how Johnny cut Pony boy’s hair with a knife, and how Soda Pop and Pony Boy have names that are weird," Mauer said focusing on insignificant pieces of information about The Outsiders, like the number of times a football is thrown between fights, and the "pretty good" soundtrack to the movie.
"And it was pretty cool how they got: Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, Diane Lane, C. Thomas Howell, Matt Dillon, Leif Garrett Ralph Macchio, and a bunch of other people to be in the book, too" Mauer said recalling fond memories of his relationship to the book while on break from work as a gas station attendant down the road from his middle school.
"Wasn’t that around the same time Karate Kid came out? Karate Kid must’ve been so busy at that time. I hope his family didn’t mind," Mauer added.
At press time Mauer disclosed that after doing further research, he remembered that he was actually suspended from school when his class read The Outsiders and opted to watch a bootleg copy of the movie his cousin gave him instead.